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Dating After Divorce
From Redbook – http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/dating-after-divorce-ll
Taking chances in life is scary, but it also helps you grow. For one divorced mom, the challenge was tackling the singles scene. Let her story inspire you to step out of your comfort zone — and never look back.
Four years after a tough divorce, Denise Deissler, 40, was missing having a man in her life. Since the day her husband of nine years moved out (and moved in with the woman he’d been having an affair with), this Long Island, NY, dental hygienist had just one relationship that fizzled, plus a few disappointing setups. She was ready to meet someone new but was terrifi ed to get back out into the singles scene. And Denise also had her 12-year-old daughter and 9-year-old son to consider — she felt guilty about taking time away from them.
Besides, she thought, who wants a woman with two kids? She worried about dating at her age, and she was clueless about where to meet guys and the new rules of dating. Should you see more than one person? Can you call a guy? “I didn’t know where to begin,” says Denise.
So REDBOOK hooked her up with New York City matchmaker and dating coach Lisa Ronis. When they met last fall, Lisa explained that lots of great guys want to meet single moms. “So many people marry two or three times,” Lisa said. “Male clients tell me, ‘I want a woman who understands when I need to be with my children.’” As for adjusting to dating again, “You’ll learn about yourself,” Lisa told Denise. “You’ll have fun!”
STEP 1 Get ready — inside and out.
Lisa’s first move was to help Denise cultivate the right mind-set by giving her “homework”: Denise had to buy some new date outfits that made her feel pretty and sexy, and start a “flirt journal” to keep track of her interactions with men. “Pay attention to guys checking you out at Starbucks, the gym, even the grocery store,” Lisa advised. “And remember to smile back.”
Later that week, Denise stopped by Banana Republic. She’d been wearing her “mom uniform” of sweaters and khakis for so long that she didn’t even know what was in fashion anymore. And she was scared of looking ridiculous by dressing too young. She scanned the racks for good date outfits — things that were feminine, classy, and not too revealing, as Lisa had recommended. She found a cute, stylish black top, tried it on, and thought, Wow, I look good!
Now, it was flirting time. While at lunch with coworkers one day, Denise caught a guy nodding at her from across the restaurant. She responded with a sly smile, and he was so distracted by her reaction that he stumbled over a step! Apparently, men were checking her out. Maybe this won’t be so hard after all, she thought. Simply being more aware of the people around her helped Denise realize that men were aware of her, too.
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