Routine Rules!!!  This has worked well for us especially when it comes to homework.  We have a significant amount of homework each night due to our son’s learning differences.  It has taken some time to get to this point but nightly homework now goes pretty smoothly.  We do the homework in the same place, in the same subject order at approximately the same time each night.  There is no longer the nightly battles to do the homework — it is amazing. So for those of you going through the nightly homework battle, take heart.  I believe that if you consistently pursue the homework battles and establish a routine of what, when and how — you too will achieve a point where homework is no longer a nightly battle.

I didn’t really believe that we would get to this point.  If I think back on all of the battles, the tears, and the exhaustion … thank goodness I have a stubborn streak a mile wide!!

We have also added another element to our homework routine.  Our school does offer an after-school study program.  It is a safe environment where our son can start to transition to independent homework under the close supervision of teachers.  We do this two times per week and both us and our son love it.  He gets most of his homework done at a reasonable hour and he is very proud of the fact that he is starting to transition to being an independent responsible student.  This is a concept strongly messaged and reinforced in our son’s school.  Each student is responsible for doing their work with their best effort possible.  This is expected at school and at home.  After nearly 2 years of this messaging, the responsibility concept is really starting to take root.

Now don’t get me wrong, we still have our setbacks, of course.  There are times when our son is frustrated and the fits and tears come back but they are fewer and fewer and they are much easier to handle at this point.

I know in the throes of homework battles that it is difficult to keep going.  Goodness knows that I have had my times of exhaustion when I absolutely could not fight another battle.  I had to take a break for a couple of weeks to rejuvenate and restore.  The last time this happened, I was able to hold on until the couple of weeks of break between the regular school year and school camp (where he does reading and writing throughout the summer).

If you are in the throes of battle, please keep fighting the good fight.  Establish a nightly routine of homework and try to incorporate the message that it is your child’s responsibility as a good student to do their homework and to do it to the best of their ability.  When you do hit speed bumps in this, work with your child’s teacher(s) to reinforce the responsibility message at school as well.

Good luck and until next time ….. (which will hopefully not be a couple of months like this past time ….) …. take care.

One of the challenges associated with ADHD and ADD is “executive functioning”. I have talked about this before. This like so many other things is a confusing element to ADHD but one that I feel is really important to be aware of and necessary to understand the challenges of your child holistically. In fact, many experts in the field of ADHD/ADD are starting to suggest that ADHD be re-conceptualized as an “executive disorder” and deemphasize the focus on hyperactivity and attention. Problems with executive functioning are not limited, however, to only those with ADHD or ADD. Executive dysfunction sometimes is the only problem and sometimes is part of a larger problem.

The easiest way to think of executive functioning is that it is the administrative or managerial part of the human brain. Executive functioning has to do with organization, planning, self-control, and time management, for instance. Like anything else, any individual with executive functioning issues will have areas of strength and areas of weakness within the broad spectrum of executive functioning.

The reason I am writing this blog post is not only to raise awareness of executive functioning or dysfunction but also to state that executive dysfunction requires teaching, support and practice in order to be effectively addressed. There are things that you can do to help your child in the short term and there are processes to help teach them how to handle different situations and opportunities. Supporting your child in the areas of executive functioning is often required into high school and college. Like anything else, better executive functioning occurs with ongoing practice and support.

For me, one of the hardest challenges I have is gauging what is appropriate and when. I need to keep in mind that we have to understand our son’s strengths and weaknesses overall and to work with those strengths and weaknesses on an ongoing basis. The conquering of certain skill sets can only be achieved with consistent practice and it takes time. Thinking in terms of support of executive functioning in this way has helped me a lot to establish a mindset for myself in helping our son.

I have heard this often in my ongoing research but I feel that it is important to stress that our son is not defined by his challenges. Our son is an amazing child who is fun and funny and full of energy and life. He has his strengths and weaknesses like we all do. All of our efforts are focused on supporting who he is so that he can continue to experience success and grow into a confident young man.

I am just learning about the process of supporting executive functioning. It turns out that we have already been implementing strategies to help our son especially in the area of transitions. For instance, we use the 5 minute warning, 3 minute warning and 1 minute warning for all changes in activity so that he has time to adjust. It turns out that “transitions” fall within the area of “Cognitive Flexibility”. Cognitive Flexibility is defined as the ability to problem solve in a flexible, dynamic way and/or the ability to address new situations. So as we learn more, I will share what I have learned with you.

Until then …. Take care.

Couple this with the fact that most of the time and effort with our son is currently focused on academics. He is absolutely exhausted when he comes home from school. He works hard, thank goodness, and cooperates with his teachers and, new this year, he actually LIKES school. I have so much to be thankful about. But some days when he gets home from school, he looks like he has been through a war.

We value play time and are mindful of balancing work with play time. But we have over an hour of homework each night and it is very difficult to fit everything in. He does play sports on Saturdays and seems to enjoy it but it is not clear to us that sports is his THING either.

Why do I worry about this so much? Our primary goal with our son with everything we are doing is to develop is self confidence and his self esteem. That is starting to develop academically because we are able to send him to a school when he can learn differently than the mainstream and be successful. I want him so much to experience success in something outside of school that he truly loves.

Getting him to try new things is not easy. He gets anxious and worried about new activities. Often when we start up a new sports season, he has trouble with the first few weeks of the activity – it is a transitioning issue.

Maybe this worry is more about me than him? I just want so badly for something to come easily to him that he truly truly loves … given that he has to work so hard in the other areas of his life.

So this blog post is not a Karen offering a suggestion blog post – it is one where I am reaching out to you for help. Do you have any suggestions or thoughts?

• How do we fit in the time for him to explore his interests?
• When is the right time to pursue drum lessons or karate or whatever else?
• Is maintaining a balance between play time and work time enough for laying the groundwork for future interests?
• Do I need to just chill out and believe that with self-confidence and academic “success”, he will figure it all out?

Would love to hear from you regarding how you enable the “essence” of your child to shine through all of the struggles!!!