If you have been to Lipstick Wisdom (www.lipstickwisdom.com), you probably realize that I have a son with language based learning issues. Specifically he has expressive language issues as well as receptive language issues. That basically means that he has trouble with language concepts going in (learning) as well as expressing his thoughts coming out. I can tell you that navigating this requires constant vigilance and patience. He is such a joy and he is working so hard. We are lucky in that we are able to send him to a school that specializes in language based learning issues. Even so, I am in a constant dialogue with my son’s teachers and we are always brainstorming together on the best ways for him to achieve the next learning milestone.

So I know from firsthand experience how difficult it is to gather the information that is needed to understand if you or someone you love has learning issues. If you are seeking information on language based learning issues for yourself or someone you know, I have posted a series of interesting videos, articles and websites which explore and discuss language based learning issues at Lipstick Wisdom (http://www.lipstickwisdom.com/category/language-processing-learning-issues/).

Although I have read several books and many articles, I am still learning about this area every day. For instance, I recently learned that the definition of dyslexia has been expanded. I, like many others, understood dyslexia to be a condition where letters get reversed while reading making reading extremely difficult. It turns out that dyslexia includes all difficulties with accurate and/or fluent word recognition, and is characterized by poor spelling and decoding abilities. I went on several websites trying to better understand dyslexia. After doing some research, I was very confused as to the relationship between dyslexia and language based learning issues. Is it the same thing – is it different? Turns out that dyslexia is a subcategory of language based learning issues. Dyslexia is a learning issue primarily based on phonetics and is really focused on the written word. I have two graduate degrees and I could not figure that out from the websites I visited. I had to call my son’s school and ask one of the women there what it really meant!!

I share this because, in my opinion, too much of the information available online is too clinically based and does not offer enough practical information.

Although at Lipstick Wisdom, we are gathering the best information we can find to help you face a new life challenge, we want to develop a repository of practical knowledge or wisdom from those that have actually faced the life event being discussed. If you or anyone you know has any helpful advice that they can share on either language based learning issue diagnosis or treatment, please let me know. Or better yet, share the information on Lipstick Wisdom by writing your own blog post!

We are building a virtual directory of bloggers who share their experiences and wisdoms gained from living with learning disabilities. In addition, I have my video blog (“Karen’s Blog”) which shares my stories and practical advice based on my experiences with my son.

Thanks for coming to visit LipstickWisdom.com.

Warmly,
Karen

Routine Rules!!!  This has worked well for us especially when it comes to homework.  We have a significant amount of homework each night due to our son’s learning differences.  It has taken some time to get to this point but nightly homework now goes pretty smoothly.  We do the homework in the same place, in the same subject order at approximately the same time each night.  There is no longer the nightly battles to do the homework — it is amazing. So for those of you going through the nightly homework battle, take heart.  I believe that if you consistently pursue the homework battles and establish a routine of what, when and how — you too will achieve a point where homework is no longer a nightly battle.

I didn’t really believe that we would get to this point.  If I think back on all of the battles, the tears, and the exhaustion … thank goodness I have a stubborn streak a mile wide!!

We have also added another element to our homework routine.  Our school does offer an after-school study program.  It is a safe environment where our son can start to transition to independent homework under the close supervision of teachers.  We do this two times per week and both us and our son love it.  He gets most of his homework done at a reasonable hour and he is very proud of the fact that he is starting to transition to being an independent responsible student.  This is a concept strongly messaged and reinforced in our son’s school.  Each student is responsible for doing their work with their best effort possible.  This is expected at school and at home.  After nearly 2 years of this messaging, the responsibility concept is really starting to take root.

Now don’t get me wrong, we still have our setbacks, of course.  There are times when our son is frustrated and the fits and tears come back but they are fewer and fewer and they are much easier to handle at this point.

I know in the throes of homework battles that it is difficult to keep going.  Goodness knows that I have had my times of exhaustion when I absolutely could not fight another battle.  I had to take a break for a couple of weeks to rejuvenate and restore.  The last time this happened, I was able to hold on until the couple of weeks of break between the regular school year and school camp (where he does reading and writing throughout the summer).

If you are in the throes of battle, please keep fighting the good fight.  Establish a nightly routine of homework and try to incorporate the message that it is your child’s responsibility as a good student to do their homework and to do it to the best of their ability.  When you do hit speed bumps in this, work with your child’s teacher(s) to reinforce the responsibility message at school as well.

Good luck and until next time ….. (which will hopefully not be a couple of months like this past time ….) …. take care.

The end of the school year is approaching and I don’t know who is more excited about the two week break between school and summer camp, my son or I.  We have not had a break from homework since August 2008.  A key component to overcoming his learning challenges is not only to learn specific strategies for reading, writing and math but repetition, repetition, and more repetition.

He has made tremendous progress this year!  I am so proud of him and his incredible hard work.  We do about 1.5 hours of homework 5 nights a week.  For second grade, this is a lot of work.  If anything, our son is going to have an incredible work ethic.  The words he can now read include anticipation, commissioned, audience and Constantinople!!  Wow – he has done so well.

Recently, the summer reading list came out in our school’s weekly newsletter.  I contacted our son’s teacher in order to get guidance on his independent reading level for the summer.  Well let’s just say it is not where I expected it to be.  Hence “the punch in the gut” in the title of this blog post.  I felt so deflated.  I just wanted to sit down and have a really good cry.

I reached out to his teacher and asked about his independent reading level and now I understand.  Learning challenges like everything else in life is about layers.  This year was a year of building the foundation.  He has strategies for decoding words he doesn’t know.  He has strategies for comprehending the material he is reading.  He has strategies for writing and answering questions.  He has strategies for paying attention and remaining engaged in the classroom.  All of this HAS resulted in tremendous progress.

The next layer that has to be attacked, however, is comprehension.  He is working so hard to decode and read and do, that his brain processing does not really have the room for full comprehension.  As we practice his strategies more, then the strategies themselves will become second nature so that he can grow into comprehending the material he is working with.

So once again I have to remind myself that “my framework” is not what is relevant.  Learning challenges, like everything else in life, is a journey that has to be broken down into manageable pieces.

He is working hard, he is making progress and he likes school.  It is all good.  So I was able to give myself a swift kick in the a—and remind myself of how proud I am of him.  I also decided that I am going to get ice cream for every night of those two weeks where we have a break!!

So until next time …. Take care.

Do you know how sometimes you know things but you don’t really realize things? Well I had one of those realization moments recently.

I feel like I have a fair amount of connectivity with other mothers. A lot of it is either online or connecting with those that I know in person through emails, texts and so forth. Being a working mother and a working mother of a child with special needs, I don’t really have a lot of time, often, for personal phone calls, lunches or even coffee get togethers.

I do consider myself lucky, however. I have family and friends who provide me with emotional support and listen. Although they listen, they don’t always understand or get what our family’s situation is all about.

I recently volunteered at my son’s school for a teacher appreciation luncheon. It is a great school that focuses on the types of learning challenges that our son has. I wanted to be there to get to know some of the teachers and administration better. The biggest benefit of me being at the luncheon, however, was the other moms there and their support of us and our particular challenges of our first year at this school. It made me feel so much better. They understand specifically the challenges that we are facing this year with the workload and the emotional stress. They have been through it and empathize. They validated the stress that I feel most nights.

It made me realize that having real life connections with individuals who have total knowledge and understanding of our challenges is important too and very powerful.

I am going to be a volunteer in my son’s library once a month for the remainder of the school year. I volunteered because my son really wanted me there. I am going to be the biggest beneficiary, however, because I will have personal time with other mothers who totally and unequivocally understand and empathize.

I call this localized support (I am a geek at heart) and I have come to realize that everyone should try to have a piece of this type of support within their support network.

Online, offline, localized … what do you think? What has been the most powerful type of support for you?

Until next time …. Take care

One of the challenges associated with ADHD and ADD is “executive functioning”. I have talked about this before. This like so many other things is a confusing element to ADHD but one that I feel is really important to be aware of and necessary to understand the challenges of your child holistically. In fact, many experts in the field of ADHD/ADD are starting to suggest that ADHD be re-conceptualized as an “executive disorder” and deemphasize the focus on hyperactivity and attention. Problems with executive functioning are not limited, however, to only those with ADHD or ADD. Executive dysfunction sometimes is the only problem and sometimes is part of a larger problem.

The easiest way to think of executive functioning is that it is the administrative or managerial part of the human brain. Executive functioning has to do with organization, planning, self-control, and time management, for instance. Like anything else, any individual with executive functioning issues will have areas of strength and areas of weakness within the broad spectrum of executive functioning.

The reason I am writing this blog post is not only to raise awareness of executive functioning or dysfunction but also to state that executive dysfunction requires teaching, support and practice in order to be effectively addressed. There are things that you can do to help your child in the short term and there are processes to help teach them how to handle different situations and opportunities. Supporting your child in the areas of executive functioning is often required into high school and college. Like anything else, better executive functioning occurs with ongoing practice and support.

For me, one of the hardest challenges I have is gauging what is appropriate and when. I need to keep in mind that we have to understand our son’s strengths and weaknesses overall and to work with those strengths and weaknesses on an ongoing basis. The conquering of certain skill sets can only be achieved with consistent practice and it takes time. Thinking in terms of support of executive functioning in this way has helped me a lot to establish a mindset for myself in helping our son.

I have heard this often in my ongoing research but I feel that it is important to stress that our son is not defined by his challenges. Our son is an amazing child who is fun and funny and full of energy and life. He has his strengths and weaknesses like we all do. All of our efforts are focused on supporting who he is so that he can continue to experience success and grow into a confident young man.

I am just learning about the process of supporting executive functioning. It turns out that we have already been implementing strategies to help our son especially in the area of transitions. For instance, we use the 5 minute warning, 3 minute warning and 1 minute warning for all changes in activity so that he has time to adjust. It turns out that “transitions” fall within the area of “Cognitive Flexibility”. Cognitive Flexibility is defined as the ability to problem solve in a flexible, dynamic way and/or the ability to address new situations. So as we learn more, I will share what I have learned with you.

Until then …. Take care.

Couple this with the fact that most of the time and effort with our son is currently focused on academics. He is absolutely exhausted when he comes home from school. He works hard, thank goodness, and cooperates with his teachers and, new this year, he actually LIKES school. I have so much to be thankful about. But some days when he gets home from school, he looks like he has been through a war.

We value play time and are mindful of balancing work with play time. But we have over an hour of homework each night and it is very difficult to fit everything in. He does play sports on Saturdays and seems to enjoy it but it is not clear to us that sports is his THING either.

Why do I worry about this so much? Our primary goal with our son with everything we are doing is to develop is self confidence and his self esteem. That is starting to develop academically because we are able to send him to a school when he can learn differently than the mainstream and be successful. I want him so much to experience success in something outside of school that he truly loves.

Getting him to try new things is not easy. He gets anxious and worried about new activities. Often when we start up a new sports season, he has trouble with the first few weeks of the activity – it is a transitioning issue.

Maybe this worry is more about me than him? I just want so badly for something to come easily to him that he truly truly loves … given that he has to work so hard in the other areas of his life.

So this blog post is not a Karen offering a suggestion blog post – it is one where I am reaching out to you for help. Do you have any suggestions or thoughts?

• How do we fit in the time for him to explore his interests?
• When is the right time to pursue drum lessons or karate or whatever else?
• Is maintaining a balance between play time and work time enough for laying the groundwork for future interests?
• Do I need to just chill out and believe that with self-confidence and academic “success”, he will figure it all out?

Would love to hear from you regarding how you enable the “essence” of your child to shine through all of the struggles!!!

MEET CHARLIE OUR GUINEA PIG

As many of you know, having a child with ADHD or working memory issues creates a challenge when trying to get them to take responsibility for multi-instruction tasks. We have had a difficult time getting our son to be independent and to take on responsibility. Some of this is probably our fault. He works so hard with his learning disabilities and ADD that we probably baby him too much otherwise. However, he was begging – BEGGING for a guinea pig. Even though we really did not have ANY desire to have another pet in the house (we have a Havanese dog and a Beta fish), we decided to use the opportunity to teach responsibility and to increase his independence.

At the pet store, we made a very hard deal with my son. He had to take responsibility for caring for the guinea pig with my help. If he did not, then we were going to give the guinea pig away and he was going to have to pay us back for the cost out of his allowance. We emphasized the deal several times and made him repeat it back to us several times before we even bought the guinea pig. So we bought the guinea pig and named him Charlie.

Charlie is very funny and makes all sorts of noises that make us stop in our tracks! He loves to be held, loves to beg for food and enjoys playing both inside and outside in a play area that we bought for him.

The very first Saturday, when it was time to clean out Charlie’s cage, we did get push back from Griffin. I spoke with him to make sure he wasn’t scared or anxious about the task. He was refusing to take care of the cage. So we said that we were going to have to start asking around to see who wanted Charlie and walked away. Sure enough, Griff came into the kitchen to work with me on cleaning up the cage.

We decided to take pictures of Griff taking care of Charlie for two reasons. We wanted to give Griff the opportunity to share his story of responsibility with his class. Since his teacher is deathly afraid of anything rodent like, we decided to make a poster which he is going to share with his class. Second, we use the visual poster as support for Griff when it is time to take care of Charlie. It reminds him of what tasks he needs to do and it is a system that he can use independently without asking for help.

RINSE OUT THE BOTTOM OF THE CAGE WITH HOT SOAPY WATER.

PUT IN FRESH BEDDING.

PUT IN FRESH FOOD.

Visual reminders are a strong means of support for any type of task both at home and within the classroom. It gives a visual reminder and checklist yet is something the child can access independently. You can use any type of pictures when putting together a visual checklist but I find that Griff loves pictures that feature him!!

Griff has been afraid or reluctant in the past to take on tasks on his own. We are finding, however, that with visual checklists, his confidence is growing and that he actually enjoys some of the independent responsibilities he has taken on.

Now if I could only get Charlie to slow down on the pooping ….

THE COMPLETE VISUAL CHECKLIST.

http://canmombecalm.blogspot.com/2009/09/ignore-behavior-not-child.html

This is an excerpt of the post …

My ABA Lead therapist and pretty much everyone else told me that I need to firm up on Spencer and ignore his attention-seeking behavior. This includes when he climbs on me, pinches, scatters, and throws things. I know that they are right. I believe it in my heart but gosh…. for an anxious person like me… ignoring is really so hard to do. “Ignore the behavior, not the child,” she said as she reminded me that I should praise his positive behaviors.

I hate to think that my child thinks of me as a toy but I guess it is partly true. Sometimes he pinches me and I am so used to it, that I don’t even say “ouch.” So then, Spencer will even say it for me, “Ouch?” like .. “Hey, how come you are not saying ‘ouch,’ I love it when you say that.”

I think that I can achieve “ignoring” as a behavior modification method if I can remember that “ignoring” is active. That is what was told to me in my parent training program for ADHD preschoolers at NYU Medical Center. They said that I shouldn’t ignore activities that are harmful to him, to others or to property but rather ignore attention-seeking behaviors like whining, nagging, and tantrums. (Tantrums are the hardest because of the neighbors downstairs but I will have to try.)

TO READ THE FULL POST PLEASE GO TO http://canmombecalm.blogspot.com/2009/09/ignore-behavior-not-child.html

http://canmombecalm.blogspot.com/2009/10/kill-homework-monster.html

Before I was married, I didn’t believe I would be nothing other than a No-Shit Mom.

Okay, this is the second time I used an inappropriate word on my blog and so I apologize if anyone is offended but some words just say it all.

My kid was going to study, I told myself up until he was born. He would not be spoiled. And he would be able to speak at least three languages, one of them being Mandarin Chinese. (By the way, I am not Chinese American)

Even when you have typical children, I’m sure parents laugh at themselves when they compare their pre-baby goals to their actual goals after birth. Gosh, now my goals are not even anywhere close to him being multilingual! My goals are more like: Logan will stay in his seat for five minutes without being told to do so. Logan will make one non-school friend by the end of 2009. Of course, now I must share my personal goal which of course is: Jenn will no longer need anti-anxiety medication after 2010 and/or lose 20 pounds.

Anyway, this year Logan is in Big School and with that I am dragged into the world of Homework Hell. Ohmigosh, this No-Shit Mom is no match for the ADHD Homework Monster. The Homework Monster has daily ways to annoy you so much that in twenty minutes, you don’t care if your child wrote the letter “b” or “d.” Just get it done and go to sleep! Argh!

THE REST OF THE POST CAN BE READ AT: http://canmombecalm.blogspot.com/2009/10/kill-homework-monster.html

Recently there was a discussion question put out on the web which asked what I would want a mother of a typical needs child to know about mothering a special needs child. As a mother to both a typical needs child and a special needs child, this question is really difficult to answer. Our son has both learning disabilities and ADD.

I have to say that I have written and re-written my answer probably a dozen of times. Finally, I think my answer comes down to what I feel is obvious. What mothers of typical needs children, family and friends need to understand is that we, families of special needs children, need understanding and consideration of our situation. Not unlike those with physically visible handicaps, those with invisible to the eye special needs require consideration, accommodations, respect and understanding. Invisible special needs can make daily situations no less daunting than for those with physical handicaps.

What is especially tricky with learning disabilities and ADHD, especially when a child is young, is that understanding the special needs and challenges takes time and work to understand and address. It has taken us a great deal of time, awareness and education to understand our son’s needs and to respect them. By respecting his needs, I mean that the way he is taught, communicated with, motivated and disciplined is done in a way specific to him and his needs. If you have a close friend or family member with a special needs child, educate yourself on the special needs of the child so that you too can RESPECT the needs that the child has.

My mother and sister have both read books to educate themselves. It has meant such a great deal to us that they took the time to understand our situation. You can read some articles online. It does not have to take a great deal of time. A little effort can go a long way.

We are extremely proud of both our son and our daughter. We love them both and recognize that each of them have their special strengths and their weaknesses.

With a special needs child, however, their weaknesses can make every day living very difficult. The difficulties can affect academics, social situations and the mundane tasks of every day life. Even with the effort we have put in to understand our son’s strengths and weaknesses, we don’t always understand how his issues will come into play in different situations. As a result, we are always on the alert with our son and we always have our “armor” on, as a favorite blogger of mine, canmombecalm, says.

We have our armor on when it comes to school and home work. His needs have to be individually understood and addressed. Even though he is in a small classroom setting, we work with the teachers closely to understand what is most effective for him in learning. Homework is never easy and takes a great deal of vigilance, creativity and patience. It has to be a part of our daily routine all year long. We need to be as or more observant about his successes and his challenges as his teachers.

We have our armor on when it comes to social settings. Group situations can be stressful for our child. Changing from one activity to the next activity can be stressful for our child. Answering on demand questions from adults can be stressful for our child. Social situations for our son can be tougher than for the typical child but they are extremely important to him. Maybe it is because he is in a small group classroom or because his homework takes longer and has to be part of a six day a week routine. Whatever the reason, when he has an opportunity to have a play date, it is extremely important to him and if something happens which causes the play date to be canceled, it is very upsetting to him.

We have our armor on for every day living. He needs time to transition from one activity to the next such as from play time to dinner time and from dinner time to homework time. Each transition requires forethought and warning. Instructions need to be broken down into one or two discrete tasks that can be communicated easily and completed quickly. He needs reminders for most daily activities.

As a result, I may seem high-strung or over-protective to a typical needs mother but I assure you that I am neither. I am simply a mother that is being respectful of the needs of her child. Because our son’s challenges are not visible to the eye, we have to be the buffer zone for our child making sure that he gets the consideration and understanding that he needs.

Is our day-to-day life more challenging with a special needs child? Absolutely. Do we worry? Absolutely. However it has made us realize that, in life, you have to celebrate each small success. We celebrate little notes written to us, we celebrate books completed, we celebrate small instructions followed and we celebrate fun, successful play dates. Life is good and we would not want it any other way!!