One of the challenges associated with ADHD and ADD is “executive functioning”. I have talked about this before. This like so many other things is a confusing element to ADHD but one that I feel is really important to be aware of and necessary to understand the challenges of your child holistically. In fact, many experts in the field of ADHD/ADD are starting to suggest that ADHD be re-conceptualized as an “executive disorder” and deemphasize the focus on hyperactivity and attention. Problems with executive functioning are not limited, however, to only those with ADHD or ADD. Executive dysfunction sometimes is the only problem and sometimes is part of a larger problem.

The easiest way to think of executive functioning is that it is the administrative or managerial part of the human brain. Executive functioning has to do with organization, planning, self-control, and time management, for instance. Like anything else, any individual with executive functioning issues will have areas of strength and areas of weakness within the broad spectrum of executive functioning.
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One of the areas where I constantly struggle is helping our son find his areas of talents or what I like to call, his essence. Our children are like my husband and I. We are good at a lot of things but not outstanding at any one thing. We are good athletics, we enjoy music, we like books and politics, we enjoy giving back to the community and so forth. We are not the next Rembrandt, Tchaikovsky, Michael Jordan or Mother Teresa. Nothing is glaringly obvious.

Couple this with the fact that most of the time and effort with our son is currently focused on academics. He is absolutely exhausted when he comes home from school. He works hard, thank goodness, and cooperates with his teachers and, new this year, he actually LIKES school. I have so much to be thankful about. But some days when he gets home from school, he looks like he has been through a war.

We value play time and are mindful of balancing work with play time. But we have over an hour of homework each night and it is very difficult to fit everything in. He does play sports on Saturdays and seems to enjoy it but it is not clear to us that sports is his THING either.

Why do I worry about this so much? Our primary goal with our son with everything we are doing is to develop is self confidence and his self esteem. That is starting to develop academically because we are able to send him to a school when he can learn differently than the mainstream and be successful. I want him so much to experience success in something outside of school that he truly loves.

Getting him to try new things is not easy. He gets anxious and worried about new activities. Often when we start up a new sports season, he has trouble with the first few weeks of the activity – it is a transitioning issue.

Maybe this worry is more about me than him? I just want so badly for something to come easily to him that he truly truly loves … given that he has to work so hard in the other areas of his life.

So this blog post is not a Karen offering a suggestion blog post – it is one where I am reaching out to you for help. Do you have any suggestions or thoughts?

• How do we fit in the time for him to explore his interests?
• When is the right time to pursue drum lessons or karate or whatever else?
• Is maintaining a balance between play time and work time enough for laying the groundwork for future interests?
• Do I need to just chill out and believe that with self-confidence and academic “success”, he will figure it all out?

Would love to hear from you regarding how you enable the “essence” of your child to shine through all of the struggles!!!

MEET CHARLIE OUR GUINEA PIG

As many of you know, having a child with ADHD or working memory issues creates a challenge when trying to get them to take responsibility for multi-instruction tasks. We have had a difficult time getting our son to be independent and to take on responsibility. Some of this is probably our fault. He works so hard with his learning disabilities and ADD that we probably baby him too much otherwise. However, he was begging – BEGGING for a guinea pig. Even though we really did not have ANY desire to have another pet in the house (we have a Havanese dog and a Beta fish), we decided to use the opportunity to teach responsibility and to increase his independence.

At the pet store, we made a very hard deal with my son. He had to take responsibility for caring for the guinea pig with my help. If he did not, then we were going to give the guinea pig away and he was going to have to pay us back for the cost out of his allowance. We emphasized the deal several times and made him repeat it back to us several times before we even bought the guinea pig. So we bought the guinea pig and named him Charlie.
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The post can be found at the Can Mom Be Calm Blog

http://canmombecalm.blogspot.com/2009/09/ignore-behavior-not-child.html

This is an excerpt of the post …

My ABA Lead therapist and pretty much everyone else told me that I need to firm up on Spencer and ignore his attention-seeking behavior. This includes when he climbs on me, pinches, scatters, and throws things. I know that they are right. I believe it in my heart but gosh…. for an anxious person like me… ignoring is really so hard to do. “Ignore the behavior, not the child,” she said as she reminded me that I should praise his positive behaviors.

I hate to think that my child thinks of me as a toy but I guess it is partly true. Sometimes he pinches me and I am so used to it, that I don’t even say “ouch.” So then, Spencer will even say it for me, “Ouch?” like .. “Hey, how come you are not saying ‘ouch,’ I love it when you say that.”

I think that I can achieve “ignoring” as a behavior modification method if I can remember that “ignoring” is active. That is what was told to me in my parent training program for ADHD preschoolers at NYU Medical Center. They said that I shouldn’t ignore activities that are harmful to him, to others or to property but rather ignore attention-seeking behaviors like whining, nagging, and tantrums. (Tantrums are the hardest because of the neighbors downstairs but I will have to try.)

TO READ THE FULL POST PLEASE GO TO http://canmombecalm.blogspot.com/2009/09/ignore-behavior-not-child.html

This post can be found at the Can Mom Be Calm Blog:

http://canmombecalm.blogspot.com/2009/10/kill-homework-monster.html

Before I was married, I didn’t believe I would be nothing other than a No-Shit Mom.

Okay, this is the second time I used an inappropriate word on my blog and so I apologize if anyone is offended but some words just say it all.

My kid was going to study, I told myself up until he was born. He would not be spoiled. And he would be able to speak at least three languages, one of them being Mandarin Chinese. (By the way, I am not Chinese American)

Even when you have typical children, I’m sure parents laugh at themselves when they compare their pre-baby goals to their actual goals after birth. Gosh, now my goals are not even anywhere close to him being multilingual! My goals are more like: Logan will stay in his seat for five minutes without being told to do so. Logan will make one non-school friend by the end of 2009. Of course, now I must share my personal goal which of course is: Jenn will no longer need anti-anxiety medication after 2010 and/or lose 20 pounds.

Anyway, this year Logan is in Big School and with that I am dragged into the world of Homework Hell. Ohmigosh, this No-Shit Mom is no match for the ADHD Homework Monster. The Homework Monster has daily ways to annoy you so much that in twenty minutes, you don’t care if your child wrote the letter “b” or “d.” Just get it done and go to sleep! Argh!

THE REST OF THE POST CAN BE READ AT: http://canmombecalm.blogspot.com/2009/10/kill-homework-monster.html

Recently a question was posed on the web which asked, as a mother of a special needs child, what would you want a mother of a typical needs child to understand? As a mother to both a special needs child and a typical needs child, I found the question very difficult to answer.

Recently there was a discussion question put out on the web which asked what I would want a mother of a typical needs child to know about mothering a special needs child. As a mother to both a typical needs child and a special needs child, this question is really difficult to answer. Our son has both learning disabilities and ADD.

I have to say that I have written and re-written my answer probably a dozen of times. Finally, I think my answer comes down to what I feel is obvious. What mothers of typical needs children, family and friends need to understand is that we, families of special needs children, need understanding and consideration of our situation. Not unlike those with physically visible handicaps, those with invisible to the eye special needs require consideration, accommodations, respect and understanding. Invisible special needs can make daily situations no less daunting than for those with physical handicaps.
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Homework can be a frustrating time for any parent. This is especially true if your child has ADHD or learning disabilities. Here I share some times I have gained from first hand experience that make homework time a lot easier and enjoyable. Good luck!!

For many of us parents, homework time can be a very frustrating part of the day. This is especially true for those of us who have children with ADHD or learning disabilities. How can you work with your child to make homework time easier? I call it the 3 R’s — Routine, Reward and Relax!!

First, if you can, meet with your child’s teachers with you child at the start of the school year. Present a united front and lay out expectations for the year and explicitly offer advice and options if the child is having trouble with the material (age appropriately). Set up a system to regularly communicate with the teachers. We use a communication notebook that goes back and forth to school every day.

2. Make homework a daily routine – at the same time and the same place. Make sure the environment is comfortable and appropriate and aids concentration and productivity. We use our kitchen table and make sure that we have all the materials on hand that we will need. We also make sure that no one else is in the room!

3. Set up a short term reward system. Points, poker chips, pretend money, stickers or something immediate for that day such as TV time or game time are all a good basis for a reward system. Children with ADHD are highly motivated by short term rewards which could be daily or weekly. Develop a system that works best for you and your child.

I have found with my son that the more visual the reward system, the better it works. Post it somewhere on your refrigerator or anywhere where it is in plain view. It reminds your child of what they are working towards.

4. Break down the homework into smaller tasks with breaks in between. Plan with your child what is to be done and when break are to be taken. Plan together what the activities will be during the short, timed breaks. Even within subjects, break down the homework into smaller, more manageable pieces. For instance, for math homework, only show one column of problems at a time.

5. When and if you child reaches a frustration point, take a break but make the break explicit. “You seem like you are getting frustrated. Let’s go take a break for 5 minutes and then come back to the work refreshed.

6. When homework is finished, have your child organize it and put it away in their back pack so it is ready to go for the next day.

7. This is a good time, too, to plan for the next day. Lunch, snacks and outfits are all next-day tasks that can be taken care of so that the morning routine is easier.

8. As your child gets older and more independent, transition from homework helper to homework coach. A homework coach helps with planning for homework and projects, discussing what needs to be done and offering guidance on breaking the tasks down, and offering encouragement.

So remember, it is Routine, Reward and Relax!! I hope your nights of homework go smoothly. Until next time …. take care.

Karen

www.3dlearner.com

3D Learner Dyslexia Parent Blog

http://www.3dlearner.com/beat-dyslexia-parent-blog-right-brained-learners-adhd-child-behavior-problems/

The 3D Learner program was developed by the Halpert family after direct experience with dyslexia and learning disabilities within their family. Their focus is on right-brained learners who learn best experentially. The blog has interesting information on dyslexia, co-existing conditions with dyslexia and the various programs that claim to help dyslexics. While they are obviously trying to sell their program and services, the blog and website have some useful and interesting information.

www.wrightslaw.com

Parents, educators, advocates, and attorneys come to Wrightslaw for accurate, reliable information about special education law, education law, and advocacy for children with disabilities.

Pete and Pam Wright

Pete and Pam Wright are Adjunct Professors of Law at the William and Mary Law School where they teach a course about special education law and advocacy and assist with the Law School’s Special Education Law Clinic. They are co-authors of several books published by Harbor House Law Press.

Wrightslaw: Special Education Law, 2nd Edition (ISBN: 978-1-892320-16-2, 456 pages) available in two formats, as a print publication and as a print and e-book combo.

Wrightslaw: From Emotions to Advocacy, 2nd Edition (978-1-892320-09-4, 338 pages)

Wrightslaw: No Child Left Behind with Suzanne Whitney (ISBN: 978-1-892320-12-4); includes the NCLB CD-ROM of resources and references.

Surviving Due Process: Stephen Jeffers v. School Board DVD Video - award-winning documentary, 2 hours.

Pete and Pam built several websites to help parents of children with disabilities in their quest for quality special education programs.

Fetaweb.com, the companion website to Wrightslaw: From Emotions to Advocacy, has advocacy information and resources to supplement the FETA book.

IDEA 2004 at Wrightslaw provides current information about the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act of 2004 (IDEA 2004). Learn about new requirements for IEPs, IEP teams, IEP meetings, eligibility, evaluations, eligibility for specific learning disabilities, child find, reevaluations, parental consent, accommodations, alternate assessments, transition, and more.

No Child Left Behind at Wrightslaw offers accurate, up-to-date information about the No Child Left Behind Act - research-based instruction, proficiency testing, parent involvement, tutoring and supplemental educational services, highly qualified teachers, and public school choice.

At the Yellow Pages for Kids with Disabilities, you’ll find listings for educational consultants, advocates, advisors, psychologists, diagnosticians, health care specialists, academic tutors, speech language therapists, and attorneys. You’ll also find government programs, grassroots organizations, disability organizations, legal and advocacy resources, special education schools, and parent support groups.