Caring for Dad, with help from some angels
The Williams family relies on the growing elder care industry
By Brian Williams
Anchor & “Nightly News” managing editor
updated 7:41 p.m. ET, Mon., Feb. 12, 2007

Tonight we begin a special series called “Trading Places.” That title implies the following role reversal: It means all of us who now care for the same parents, who once cared for us.

One in four U.S. households currently provides care for a relative or friend age 50 and over.

When you can’t always be there, there’s the guilt of not being able to help. That’s given rise to a new industry of care: one that our family has come to know, and depend on.

RED BANK, N.J. — In a month, he’ll be 90. Born outside Boston when Woodrow Wilson was president, Gordon Williams, my Dad, has survived a heart attack, cancer surgery, a broken hip and hip replacement.

He has outlived his wife of 50 years and two of his four children.

Gordon Williams: You know, you children insisted I sell my car.

Brian Williams: Yeah, sorry about that. It was time, Dad.

These days he needs help simply because the clock has run into overtime.

After selling our home near the Jersey Shore, he wanted to live with others his age, so he happily chose an assisted-living facility just a few miles from home.

Brian Williams: How important is it for your to be independent, to have a place of your own?

Gordon Williams: Oh, it’s everything. That’s it. Especially the area here and the other assisted living people.

It’s only a small efficiency apartment, but this child of the depression won’t accept any luxuries.

Gordon Williams: I just like to see — the closeness and everything is right here — in one place.

Brian Williams: Your command center.

Gordon Williams: Yeah, right.

He loves having neighbors to check in on, down the hall.

Gordon Williams: You better just say, ‘hello.’

Brian Williams: Betty, are you decent? It’s Brian and Gordon.

And he loves seeing his friends in the dining room, and lunching with a fellow World War II veteran.

Joe Byrne: I just think people are living longer. I think people are taking better care of themselves.

Byrne runs the county franchise of Visiting Angels. It’s designed to supplement normal care, sometimes around the clock.

Brian Williams (to Byrne): As you know, I couldn’t care for my father physically. Thank God I can care for my Dad financially. I know how lucky I am, but I couldn’t do it physically, I’m 40 miles away, without you. Are all your clients like me?

Byrne: We have a lot of care recipients, as we affectionately call them, that live in their homes, but the children are out of state. They’re worried about them. And you know, everybody today, it’s human nature, does not want to think they need help. It’s just human nature. But there’s a part of everyone down deep that wants help. They just don’t know how to ask for it.

The Visiting Angels also help families with finances — reverse mortgages, bill consolidation — it can run into thousands per month, not covered by insurance.

Brian Williams (to Dad): And how about the level of medical care you get?

Gordon Williams: Excellent. I’m right next door to the wellness clinic and the doctor comes twice a week.

Byrne (to Brian): Sons and daughters, like yourself, who are miles away, want to go to bed at night knowing their mother and father are in good hands.

Brian Williams: As you know, my dad is a tough old bird.

Byrne: Yes, he is.

Brian Williams: And not every nurse gels with tough old birds.

Byrne: Right. He will call me at different times during the day and say “Joe, we need to talk.”

It’s a healthcare luxury we are lucky to have, just as we are lucky to have him in our lives.

And add to all that — all the people you didn’t see who help watch over my Dad: His grandchildren, his son-in-law, even our family friends the Gilroys, who make sure my Dad gets driven wherever he needs.

They are all saints, but none of us can work miracles, and we all need help now and then.

Tuesday on “NBC Nightly News”: Tim Russert’s efforts to make sure his Dad, ‘Big Russ,’ has everything he needs.
© 2008 MSNBC Interactive

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17121113/

Trading Places: Time for a new chapter
Dr. Nancy Snyderman helps her parents leave their home for a new life
By Dr. Nancy Snyderman
Chief medical editor
updated 8:07 p.m. ET, Wed., Feb. 14, 2007

FORT WAYNE, Ind. – 1952: A young doctor and his wife, newlyweds, begin a life in a small Indiana town. They had no idea when they were starting out that they would live the American dream.

And now, my mom and dad have realized it’s time for a new chapter.

Joy Snyderman: There are little things that come up that make you realize that time is shorter than you would like.

Now into their 80s, my parents are packing up and relocating to a new town — my town, Princeton, N.J. — where they’ll be closer to three of their 10 grandchildren and part of a community that will nurture their insatiable intellectual curiosity.

Dr. Sanford Snyderman: You’re getting a very super-charged educational area. There will be stimulation. We’ll be able to take classes.

But decisions like this aren’t always easy, and for my dad, a prominent ear, nose and throat doctor, it means that after almost six decades in practice, he will say goodbye to the last of his patients.

My parents raised four kids in Fort Wayne, Ind., and now, after 55 years, it’s time to move on. It’s exciting and it’s bittersweet.

Dr. Sanford Snyderman: It’s bittersweet, but you have to recognize that time goes on and that no one owes you anything. I’ve had my day in the sun.

Dr. Nancy Snyderman: So do you think people will be sad to see you go?

Dr. Sanford Snyderman: They say they are. I hope they are. I’m sad to leave people.

My parents’ move was a decision the entire family took part in. But in the end, it is one that Mom and Dad had to make on their own.

Joy Snyderman: I have seen people in my own family who refuse to make a move at the right time when they could have called the shots. That’s very important to me. I want to be in charge of what’s happening to me as long as possible. And I think that’s a kindness for my family.

Thursday on “NBC Nightly News,” Ann Curry shares her story of caring for her father.
© 2008 MSNBC Interactive

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17156933/

At 77, Ann Curry’s dad embraces life
From candy striping to ballroom dancing, this widower doesn’t act his age
By Ann Curry
updated 7:35 p.m. ET, Thurs., Feb. 15, 2007

GRANTS PASS, Ore. – At 77, my dad refuses to act his age.

Bob Curry: When I’m 120, I’m going to be shot by an 18-year-old jealous husband!

He volunteers as a hospital candy striper, teaches tai chi and enjoys poetry.

Bob Curry: “On the road to Mandalay, where the old flotilla lay. And the dawn comes up like thunder out of China across the bay.” Now, that’s Kipling.

And he ballroom dances — with lots of friends, and a Zorba-like passion.

You might not guess he has a defibrillator and a pacemaker. Like so many, he suffers from America’s No. 1 killer, heart disease.

A career Navy man, his first heart pains came when one of his five children died in the line of duty. His first heart attack, shortly after his wife of 53 years died. He almost gave up.

Ann Curry: You asked me once, Dad, “What do I have to live for, what do I do with myself?”

Bob Curry: The thing is, you have to realize that life is for the living. I thought I had something to offer. And maybe, maybe I wasn’t ready to go yet.

With a little encouragement, he discovered he could feel useful.

Bob Curry: When I feel like I’m doing something for someone else that they value, it makes you feel so good to want to do more.

And he allowed his broken heart to fall in love again.

Bob Curry: I think people at an age, and especially if they’ve lost a spouse, they close up themselves. And to be ready for a certain type of relationship, you have to be very open with yourself.

Dad discovered later that widowers who remarry, according to numerous studies, live longer than those who don’t.

Ann Curry: She just makes you happy.

Bob Curry: Makes me happy. And I make her happy. When she laughs, at the dance, you would think she was 16 years old.

He looks for love, most of all, but also for fun, and ways to be useful. Adding time to one treasured life, among many in America.

Ann Curry: I think you did darn all right.

Bob Curry: I’m quite proud of you, yeah.
© 2008 MSNBC Interactive

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17174579/

Trading Places: Having is easier than having not
Tom Brokaw parallels one Alabama family’s experience with his own
By Tom Brokaw
Correspondent
updated 12:21 p.m. ET, Sat., Feb. 17, 2007

ORANGE COUNTY, Calif. – I am fortunate that I can afford first-class care for my mother. It’s not all about money, but it sure helps.

Last summer, after some medical setbacks, my mother — Grandma Jean — knew she could no longer live alone so she agreed to move into an efficiency apartment in a nearby assisted living home.

She is very happy in her new home in Orange County.

“I like it fine,” Jean Brokaw says. “It’s very nice. They have entertainment all day.”

And we’re relieved because she has lots of company and meals are provided twice a day. We were lucky to find Maria to help her — getting dressed, taking her shopping, making sure she takes her medicine.

“She’s great. We get along fine. I can kind of boss her around and she doesn’t seem to care,” Jean quips about Maria.

And my brother Mike who lives nearby is always on call, which is a huge help.

A few years ago, Mother, always a careful planner, bought long-term care insurance. But even with those payments, it costs around another $6,000 a month to keep her in the manner she deserves. And in our family, we’re grateful every day we can afford that. But we’re also aware that we’re the exception, not the rule.

FAIRFIELD, Ala. — Morning comes early for Litisa Gaston — quietly — with Bible meditation. Then, it gets very busy raising her 3-year-old daughter, Ivanna, while caring for her mother, who suffers from a neurological condition that makes her walking difficult and clouds her memory.

But even with help from Litisa’s husband, Isaac, getting everyone bathed, brushed, dressed and fed is hectic. Everyone worries every day as Granny Alfreda tries to navigate 12 steep steps, then its off on a 40-minute drive. First, day care for toddlers, then day care for elders,
where activities and song remind the seniors of their past. And their future.

Then, finally, Litisa can head to her job as a Social Security claims processor.

“By the time I get here, I already did a full shift,” Litisa says.

The family income is less than $50,000 a year including Granny’s disability check, and the first priority is contributing 10 percent to their church, then $250 a month for the Medicare-subsidized day care. Other medical and personal supplies, plus keeping the family warm and fed, leaves the Gastons with no savings. They manage with patience and prayer. Having their mother at home is worth any price.

“I think if she had been with somebody else, she wouldn’t be living,” Isaac says.

Granny’s few words make her wishes clear.

“I’d rather be at home,” she says.

For Litisa, there is no time off and no time for herself, but she says the arrangement is a blessing.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she says. “I can see the difference in her. I can see a joy in her. I feel like I have contributed something to that.”
© 2008 MSNBC Interactive

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17191748/

For the Russerts, caring for Dad is a team effort
Still independent, ‘Big Russ’ gets help from family, friends and neighbors
By Tim Russert
Washington bureau chief
updated 7:38 p.m. ET, Tues., Feb. 13, 2007

&npsp;
BUFFALO, N.Y. – My Dad, Big Russ, is a fiercely independent man — always has been.

He left high school to fight in World War II and was badly injured when his B-24 Liberator crashed.

Back home in Buffalo, N.Y., he raised four kids with my Mom, who sadly, died a year and half ago.

He always met every challenge, working round the clock with two fulltime jobs, but living alone is hard.

Big Russ: It gets lonely, but I have a lot of people helping.

Tim Russert: You got a great team.

Now, at 83, Dad has slowed down. Still, he won’t ask for help and won’t consider a retirement home.

Russert: When I tried to talk to you about going to the assisted living place, you wouldn’t get out of the car.

Big Russ: Nah, nah, don’t get them going. They’ll be calling me up.

A lot of responsibility falls on my sister, Kiki, who lives nearby. Things like replacing batteries and solving the problems of daily life.

Neighborhood friend Mike Shea can be over in a matter of minutes if the power goes out.

Shea: I know when he needs something even if he doesn’t need it. I’m a step ahead of him a lot of times.

My sisters and I call several times a day, too many times according to Dad, and there is a frequent care package from me.

Lunch and dinner are lovingly prepared by neighbor Jean Passafiume.

Big Russ: It’s enough to feed two.

Passafiume: You have to feed the soul and brain. You feed both and you have a good life. Remember that.

My Dad’s favorite — corned beef and cabbage at the Blackthorn Club, where old buddies raise their glasses once a month.

Patrick the poet (reads a poem to the men): When you are young, it’s not hard to write, but as the years pass along sometimes words, that once were there, are just not right.

Russert (to the men): I want to thank you so much for embracing him. It means everything to him and everything to me.

On this night, all I had to do was help Dad with his coat. But tomorrow it’s support from a team who gives my Dad the love and dignity he deserves.
© 2008 MSNBC Interactive

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17116264/

Even in his final days, Bob Curry, NBC’s Ann Curry’s father, brought his family together with humor, love, and fierce determination. Ann shares an interview with her dad and reports on coping with loss in Part 3 of our series, Trading Places. (Nightly News)

May 21 2007: When her father fell ill, NBC’s Maria Menounos decided to take over as the sole source of support for her parents — a decision which bought him time he didn’t think he had.
 

By Dr. Nancy Snyderman
Chief medical editor
NBC News
updated 7:37 p.m. ET, Wed., May. 2, 2007
 

NEW YORK – Barbara Meltzer is a busy professional. Unmarried, she’s never had children. And as she gets older, she fears that might put her in quite a predicament.

“I realized that I don’t have anybody to help me,” Meltzer says.

And as caregiver to her 90-year-old mother, Meltzer knows how important “help” can be.

“I take her out to lunch or breakfast, and I have to take her out to all the doctor appointments and haircuts,” Meltzer says.

Meltzer’s fear is that there will be no one there for her when her time comes.

“I look at my mom, and I see all the possibilities for my future,” she says. “I am looking at one of my greatest fears.”

But her situation is not as unusual as you might think.