Comments on: Unlocking the Essence of Your Child http://www.lipstickwisdom.com/2009/12/09/unlocking-the-essence-of-your-child/ Empowering Women Through Shared Wisdom Sun, 29 May 2011 21:49:27 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Karen Griffith Gryga http://www.lipstickwisdom.com/2009/12/09/unlocking-the-essence-of-your-child/comment-page-1/#comment-1306 Karen Griffith Gryga Mon, 14 Dec 2009 21:02:40 +0000 http://www.lipstickwisdom.com/?p=749#comment-1306 Dear Holly, Penny and Helen, Thank you so much for your comments! You have certainly given me a lot to think about. I really appreciate your input! Karen Dear Holly, Penny and Helen,

Thank you so much for your comments! You have certainly given me a lot to think about. I really appreciate your input!

Karen

]]> By: Helen http://www.lipstickwisdom.com/2009/12/09/unlocking-the-essence-of-your-child/comment-page-1/#comment-1305 Helen Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:43:31 +0000 http://www.lipstickwisdom.com/?p=749#comment-1305 I was recently asking my co-contributor, Catherine Follett, a counselor for parents of ADHD kids (and a parent of ADHD kids herself), about building my 9 year old’s self confidence. He's going through a new phase of seeming nervous when communicating with adults, is too timid to raise his hand in class and seems to be less engaged with his classroom friends than previously. This will be an ongoing conversation, but two suggestions hit home with me. First, I am now planning activities with him that he loves and I enjoy (I leave his 3 year sister at home with Dad). For example, rollerblading is one activity he is really good at. We go to the skating rink and he skates circles around 95% of the kids (and adults!). It gets me out of the "parent role", we have a blast together, and he feels good about himself! Win/Win! The second suggestion, more abstract, is to help him feel seen. I look him in the eyes and say positive, loving statements. Also, I surprised him by showing up at school to eat lunch with him last week. I told him I missed him and wanted to hang out for a bit. He felt great, we were connected, and again, I believe his sense of self was elevated. Like your son, my boy gets anxious over trying new activities. Last year I was adamant that he take a martial arts class. He cried and refused to join in (I was so bummed!). I don’t push him into situations that cause him anxiety anymore. I trust that as his confidence builds, he’ll let it be known that he is ready to make a stretch and try something new. I hope that helps!! I was recently asking my co-contributor, Catherine Follett, a counselor for parents of ADHD kids (and a parent of ADHD kids herself), about building my 9 year old’s self confidence. He’s going through a new phase of seeming nervous when communicating with adults, is too timid to raise his hand in class and seems to be less engaged with his classroom friends than previously. This will be an ongoing conversation, but two suggestions hit home with me.
First, I am now planning activities with him that he loves and I enjoy (I leave his 3 year sister at home with Dad). For example, rollerblading is one activity he is really good at. We go to the skating rink and he skates circles around 95% of the kids (and adults!). It gets me out of the “parent role”, we have a blast together, and he feels good about himself! Win/Win! The second suggestion, more abstract, is to help him feel seen. I look him in the eyes and say positive, loving statements. Also, I surprised him by showing up at school to eat lunch with him last week. I told him I missed him and wanted to hang out for a bit. He felt great, we were connected, and again, I believe his sense of self was elevated.
Like your son, my boy gets anxious over trying new activities. Last year I was adamant that he take a martial arts class. He cried and refused to join in (I was so bummed!). I don’t push him into situations that cause him anxiety anymore. I trust that as his confidence builds, he’ll let it be known that he is ready to make a stretch and try something new. I hope that helps!!

]]> By: Penny http://www.lipstickwisdom.com/2009/12/09/unlocking-the-essence-of-your-child/comment-page-1/#comment-1304 Penny Thu, 10 Dec 2009 01:16:57 +0000 http://www.lipstickwisdom.com/?p=749#comment-1304 Discovering talents is a difficult thing. It's easy if you have a Rembrandt or a Michael Jordan. But what do you do when a child's talents aren't so obvious. I think Holly hit the nail on the head in her comment above. It's about nurturing the little things your child is good at, especially with ADHD in their lives making so many difficulties so obvious. My son is good with legos. Is he building a life-sized Sponge Bob like the Lego's staff? No. But he is constantly building, taking apart, and recreating. It is a task that is enjoyable to him, not something full of frustration. I too am on a mission to "discover my ADHD son's talents." In jan. we are going to try martial arts and again try swimming and a weekly art class. And I am constantly looking for other opportunities of things to try. If they don't work out, we move on. If they do, we may be onto something. My son's therapist put this task into perspective recently too. My son is good at math. She says, "he isn't going to be an accountant sitting at a desk all day and crunching numbers and writing reports. You have to accept those sorts of limitations early on. But being a high school math teacher would give him the ability to use his math apptitude and still give him a flexible, moving environment where he is most comfortable." Yes, imagine having had a HS math teacher that was enthusiastic and full of energy. Math could be fun for everyone. It's about one day at a time and being tuned into what your child enjoys and where they can potentially use and share their talents. I have learned to not stress about academics either. I have accepted that ADHD is going to keep my gifted intelligence child from receiving straight A's and I am okay with that. Finding a comfortable, happy place for him in the future is key. Penny http://adhdmomma.blogspot.com p.s. -- I am so sorry I have not been on your site reading more and leaving comments. I have taken on far too many things without enough time to accomplish it all. Discovering talents is a difficult thing. It’s easy if you have a Rembrandt or a Michael Jordan. But what do you do when a child’s talents aren’t so obvious. I think Holly hit the nail on the head in her comment above. It’s about nurturing the little things your child is good at, especially with ADHD in their lives making so many difficulties so obvious. My son is good with legos. Is he building a life-sized Sponge Bob like the Lego’s staff? No. But he is constantly building, taking apart, and recreating. It is a task that is enjoyable to him, not something full of frustration.

I too am on a mission to “discover my ADHD son’s talents.” In jan. we are going to try martial arts and again try swimming and a weekly art class. And I am constantly looking for other opportunities of things to try. If they don’t work out, we move on. If they do, we may be onto something.

My son’s therapist put this task into perspective recently too. My son is good at math. She says, “he isn’t going to be an accountant sitting at a desk all day and crunching numbers and writing reports. You have to accept those sorts of limitations early on. But being a high school math teacher would give him the ability to use his math apptitude and still give him a flexible, moving environment where he is most comfortable.” Yes, imagine having had a HS math teacher that was enthusiastic and full of energy. Math could be fun for everyone.

It’s about one day at a time and being tuned into what your child enjoys and where they can potentially use and share their talents.

I have learned to not stress about academics either. I have accepted that ADHD is going to keep my gifted intelligence child from receiving straight A’s and I am okay with that. Finding a comfortable, happy place for him in the future is key.

Penny
http://adhdmomma.blogspot.com

p.s. — I am so sorry I have not been on your site reading more and leaving comments. I have taken on far too many things without enough time to accomplish it all.

]]> By: Holly Schwendiman http://www.lipstickwisdom.com/2009/12/09/unlocking-the-essence-of-your-child/comment-page-1/#comment-1303 Holly Schwendiman Thu, 10 Dec 2009 00:18:34 +0000 http://www.lipstickwisdom.com/?p=749#comment-1303 First, I think your thoughts, concerns and worries are totally normal for any parent! It is a constant balance to know how to help our kids without adding stress. My only great advice is to remember to give credit to the small things. Often those are the most important and the ones we miss because we're looking for something bigger or easier to see. My daughter has a gift for including people. It's not as tangible as playing an instrument, etc. but it's absolutely an amazing gift and talent. My goal is to help her develop it by recognizing, praising and providing opportunities for her to develop it. Little shifts at the hinge have great impact on the wake of the confidence gate's swing. ;) Hugs, Holly First, I think your thoughts, concerns and worries are totally normal for any parent! It is a constant balance to know how to help our kids without adding stress. My only great advice is to remember to give credit to the small things. Often those are the most important and the ones we miss because we’re looking for something bigger or easier to see. My daughter has a gift for including people. It’s not as tangible as playing an instrument, etc. but it’s absolutely an amazing gift and talent. My goal is to help her develop it by recognizing, praising and providing opportunities for her to develop it. Little shifts at the hinge have great impact on the wake of the confidence gate’s swing. ;)

Hugs,
Holly

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