Dementia Nights
Keeping Track of My Father’s Exit. By Alan G. Ampolsk

http://www.metaphorcountry.com/dementia_nights/

 
I’m a writer, photographer, consultant. Age 49. My father was a reporter and editor. Now he’s something other than that. Age 86. Widowed in 2003. His decline started a little earlier. His sister died of Alzheimer’s.

Alan powerfully writes about his experiences with his father and his learning through this trying, emotional life event. Here is a sample blog entry:
 
The List of Pending Things

There’s always a list of pending things. The current one:

Elderlawyers to be notified as soon as asset transfer is complete, so they can go ahead with the Medicaid application. The asset transfer is mostly done… but until the landlord deposits the rent check, the checking account is still over the limit.

Partners in Care to meet with E, the private home health aide. E is a bit threatened by the arrival of the Partners aides. She puts a lot of energy into bad-mouthing them. She puts less energy — none, in fact — into reporting to me on my father’s condition. The charitable interpretation is that she’s a calm person. I respect calm but it has its limits. In my mind there’s a paradigmatic conversation with E that goes something like this…

Me: So how’s my father doing?

E: Oh, he’s good. Everything’s good. He caught fire the other day but you know, he does that. So I put him out. It’s OK.

So I really need Partners to step in and do a little management here. Yes, there’s an argument that I could do it myself but I’ve tried and failed. Professionals are needed — in this case, too.

Partners to move to 24 hour coverage as soon as they can. That’ll be a whole new area of resistance — another bridge to burn when I come to it.

J, the handyman with the maid service on the side, to show up with maid service in tow and actually clean. I mean, now that he’s gotten paid and all…

And of course, up to me to continue to report to Partners on symptoms (with excerpts turning up occasionally here on Dementia Nights…)

I’m sure I can manage this from my new location down here in Maryland. Just haven’t figured out exactly how, yet.

Haven’t figured out how to manage my emotions, either. Or his.

But that’s a different task list for another time.